Home Inspectors and Crazy Stories
I have been a home inspector for many years, and one thing we accumulate a lot of are stories – and we would love to hear yours. Here is how it works:
- I have posted several of my own crazy stories below to get things going – so enjoy 🙂
- Scroll down to the comments section below and add your own story
- Stories have to be true, and don’t add any info that will make others in the story identifiable (i.e. a seller goes crazy so you post his name – stuff like that)
- Be sure to add your website address, company name, and things like that for an SEO boost for your website
- After we review it, we will send you a notification that your story was posted here.
So to get the ball rolling, here are a few of my own crazy home inspection experiences.
The Dog Days of…. January?
I once pulled up to an inspection in the middle of January and everything was covered in ice. I heard dogs barking so I waited in my truck. No one was there and the dogs appeared to be just inside the house. So I walked over toward the door to ring the bell and look for a hose bib. Just then, the door opened, and out came two Dobermans snarling and growling at me. I pulled out a screwdriver (I dunno… seemed like the thing to do) and slowly made my way to my truck facing the dogs. Then a third one came out and jumped toward my head – so I quickly turned and it was clawing at my back and snipping at my head (fortunately I was wearing a thick, tear-proof coat that protected me). At that point I had no choice but to run… and then a fourth one came out and latched onto my leg. I then dragged it to my truck and got it off of me and closed my door – and just sat there bleeding.
The lady came out and seemed unphased and left her dogs attacking my truck trying to get to me – and left me bleeding. I called the police and an ambulance came. The lady wanted proof that I had actually been bit apparently, because as I was laying in a pool of my own blood in her driveway with the police and medics, she took a camera and starting yelling for me to take off my pants so she could take a picture… I still can’t feel parts of my left leg.
No Bones About it
One time a client of mine hired me to inspect a building. He was foreign, but wouldn’t tell me where he was from. He had a proxy sign all his documents and was very secretive. Well, as we inspected the house, we found bones… human bones (it was a 200+ year-old house). He knew a surprising amount about the bones though – like their names and he recognized them as human bones right away. He was about 70+ years old, and as we stood outside waiting for the police to check the remains, he thought that would be a good time to hit on me… So I left – and I did not work for him again…
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Just Awkward…
I was doing a pre-listing home inspection for a professional photographer. His home was absolutely beautiful and immaculate – and huge. As I came into one of his 2-story living areas, he had a 20′ by 9′ enhanced photo of his wife… completely naked… where he and his family hang out. And just as I entered there, I also met his wife… And she wanted to discuss the inspection, next to the naked picture of herself…
The Butt of the Joke
There are a lot of naked people stories in the home inspection industry – too many to tell. But this one weirded me out just as much as the last experience. A woman loved to take nude photos of her husband apparently. So there were naked photos of this guy all over the seller’s house. As I was trying not to look at any of them, I went into a speech to my client about defects. I was being long-winded with it, so when my clients and the agents kept giggling, I thought it was them laughing at how long I was talking. But then I looked over and there was a big picture of the husband’s… well… a close-up of the middle of his butt… right there next to my face. The agent took a picture of my surprised face and the hole in question.
Down the Rabbit Hole
Once I climbed into one of the longest crawlspaces I have ever been down. As I crawled through it, I reached over to look at something and then got shocked and thrown to the side. After I came to, I found a buried service wire… it hurt like crazy. At the same inspection, I also found that their well was missing… Not their pressure tank, not other equipment – but their actual well (hole in the ground, pipe, etc) was gone. And no one knew where it was
Poo Rocket
Another crawlspace story. I went into a crawlspace of this huge house that had been added onto a dozen times or more – and my client decided to come in with me. It was the weirdest crawlspace I have ever been in. It was a labyrinth – and we even got a little turned around. As we were making our way back, we heard the septic guy leaving and saying the septic system looked good – but he left the water running. A few moments later, something that was blocking a pipe broke loose and started shooting poo water everywhere in the crawlspace and flooding it. We ended up “wading out” instead of crawling out…
“The Roof is Fine”
I went to inspect an empty home and the roof was reported to be in great condition and was composite tile. I was able to get a better look and noticed that it was just old roofing that had been painted. I went into the home and my clients were in this house eating wings and drinking tequila… So I mentioned the roof and they said that the inspection is just a formality, that the roof is fine, and there is nothing I could find that would make them think something is wrong with this house.
So I go and turn the heating unit on and everything looks fine. I go to the attic and I couldn’t believe it. There were bags of water taped to the roof sheathing. It turns out that when there was a leak, the sellers just taped plastic to the roof sheathing and they would just fill up with water. Some areas just had plastic bags. As I was looking at this – I smell smoke and find out that the heating unit catches on fire. I race to take care of it and stopped it – and also found out the smoke detectors weren’t working. So finally I go to my clients and say “your roof has bags of water hanging from it and your heating unit caught on fire – I think you should reconsider what you told me earlier”. They then put down their wings and booze and took it a bit more seriously 🙂
Saving My Bacon
One time I was inspecting a home in a city and they apparently had a pet pig, but not a small one like you would expect in a city. This thing was a couple hundred pounds or more and came up to my waist. The pig got out of its pen and started chasing the agent around the house (the sellers told us he was not pleasant). I got the pig’s attention and it chased me right out the door and the agent escaped out the back door.
“It’s Raining Men”
I climbed into an attic and the listing agent insisted on going in after me. I asked him several times not to and stated it was unsafe. He insisted, and as he was telling me how he wants to protect his clients’ interest… he falls through the ceiling. He’s OK (he caught himself on the ceiling framing), but he paid to fix the ceiling… and he was obviously embarrassed.
A River Runs Through it
I once called out a brand new $15,000 patio because it leaned toward the house. Everyone (including my client) got upset at me because they thought I was just trying to make trouble. I told them that in heavy rains all that water hitting the patio would all roll back into their basement. They walked away and I continued my inspection. Like something from a movie – we had a freak rainstorm while we were in the basement and, of course, the basement began to flood. The window wells filled up with water, a river began to form in the basement, and we all got buckets trying to help. I still have a video of the frogs literally swimming in the water. Let’s just say, they believed me after that 🙂
I once went to an inspection and as we were walking in the back yard, I saw the agent wander off to look at something. When I turned back, he was gone… As we looked around, he had stepped on an old piece of plywood and fell into a well. He was a little banged up, but he was ok.
Blue Jay Inspections
I was doing a home inspection in Key West and had to park far from the property so I took my wallet, which I normally leave in my truck, and placed it in my tool-bag.
3 very large and friendly mixed breed dogs greeted me at the house. I was fine with them as I love dogs and get along with most of them very well. My wife calls me a dog whisperer.
I noticed one of them in particular shadowing my every move as I walked through the house conducting my inspection. Again, I was fine with it and found it hilarious. It was as if he were evaluating my work!.
I finished the inspection a few hours later, petted the dogs one last time and headed balk to my truck with the intent of grabbing lunch at a local spot. As I reached for my wallet, I remembered I’d placed it in my tool-bag and walked out to my truck.to retrieve it. After a few increasingly frantic minutes searching, I started getting mad realizing all the hassles I would go thru replacing ID’s, my driver’s license and credit cards, not to mention the cash I had lost.
I retraced my steps back to the doggy house to no avail! I called the home owner and explained my dilemma and he assured me he would check around the house and call if he found it. I was resigned to the fact it was lost forever.
An hour later, the gentleman calls to tell me he found my wallet! I thanked him profusely and asked him where? Well, he explained sheepishly, it appears the dog following me around was posing as the “lookout” for his accomplice who mouthed my wallet out of my toolkit and hid it deep under a sofa!
Along with my moist wallet, he said, was a stash of items, including a long lost shoe, unmatched socks and various other household nicknacks!
I mentioned at the onset the dogs were mixed breeds but it seems at least one of them was a pure bred K9 Kleptomaniac!
LOL – at least your got your slightly damp wallet back in the end – Thanks for contributing!
I was hired to inspect a vacant country home fixer-upper for a young couple. I’d worked with this Realtor many times and most of the homes I inspected were mid to high-end homes in nice neighborhoods so I was a little surprised by the 35 mile drive out into the country. It was so country that GPS got relaxed and quit working about 10 miles out. After many 3-point turns and several moments of déjà vu I arrived to a rundown 2-story clapboard farmhouse with many boards missing, some boarded up windows and the front door wide open. The grass was waist high and had to be waded through to reach the house.
The young couple pulled in shortly after me and to my surprise were head-over-heels in love with this house. They had a grand plan to fix the place up, plant a huge garden and start having kids right away. I grabbed my flashlights, respirator and coveralls, took a deep breath and decided to give them my best.
After a quick tour through the inside I decided to start with the attic. I don’t know about you but I always hesitate when I first lift that attic hatch up over my head. Sometimes I envision an angry raccoon waiting for me or maybe 25 rabid vampire bats. Like every other time, nothing awful happened when I pushed the drywall panel up and slid it over atop the joists. But once inside I saw numerous 6’-8’ long snake skins hanging from collar ties and other roof framing. A quick scan across the attic floor revealed more skins along with a plethora of rodent and reptile poops – small and large, dry and wet. Then the smell hit me! Can’t really describe it because it was new to me – but it was some sort of mixture of wild-life and wild-death.
After this I new I had to go ahead and get the worst of it over, so I headed down to the crawlspace. It was surprisingly roomy allowing me to crawl on all fours. There was no vapor barrier on the ground but the dirt was dry and there wasn’t much debris for me to navigate. I crawled around for several minutes carefully scanning the floor with my headlamp while my handheld light lit up what was beyond. I stopped and thought, “This isn’t so bad. I guess all the snakes are hanging out in the attic?” Just then I felt a gentle stroke on my back … like when I climb into bed and my wife reaches out half-asleep with an acknowledging swipe. Being on all fours I realized my back was against the floor joists. I hadn’t even so much as glanced upwards the whole time being so concerned about creepy crawlies on the ground. I slowly rolled over and laid my back on the dirt floor with my lights shining up. It was straight out of the movie Alien! Slithering snake bodies with slimy goo inches from my face!
See, what had happened was …
Someone thought it was a great idea to staple clear 10mil plastic to the floor joists to help hold the fiberglass insulation batts in place. In theory it worked very well, but it created a see through 25 lane rodent-reptile superhighway. The mice moved into their new warm home, peed and pooped, procreated and did what mice do. Then came the snakes, eating their way across the mouse interstate, all the while peeing and pooping, shedding skins and doing what snakes do. I just laid there in horror looking up at snake bellies slithering over yellowed mouse skeletons and furs, brown-black poop of all kinds and a grayish slime all held in place by that beautifully clear 10mil hardware store plastic and T-50 staples.
Terrible thoughts raced through my mind as I surveyed the heavy leaden plastic sagging under the weight of it’s contents. What if something sharp on me snags it on the way out. I’m picturing another scene from Alien! I back crawled carefully outa there, relayed all I’d just witnessed to the buyers – certain the deal was done – and called it a day. Call me a “Deal Killer” … whatever.
A couple months later the Realtor said to me, “Hey, do you remember the _____’s, that had the country snake house? Well it just closed. They bought it! The lender caught wind of the snake situation and required them to hire a pest control pro to exterminate the pests and have the whole thing verified by a herpetologist. It was quite the learning experience and a lot of work but we got it done and they’ve already started fixing the place up!”
I’ve had buyers walk away from a near perfect home over a hairline shrinkage crack in the garage floor! But this young couple was determined to see their dreams become reality and no home inspector or scary movie was gonna stand in their way. It never ceases to amaze me. Realty!
The part where you said you felt a “stroking” on your back gives me the heebie-jeebies… Thanks for sharing!
Here in far west Texas we have many homes with crawl spaces, and often there are critter openings. Many access panels are from the outside. My policy is to open a crawl space access panel and have a peek into the crawlspace, clear away the spider webs and crawl in.
The house was an old farm house type. The access panel was already removed when I got there as there had been a water leak, by the panel, which had been repaired.
It was quite muddy at the opening so I decided to forgo looking in and just crawl in on my belly as fast as I could and get past the mud. I scooted in about 15 feet in the dark before I hit dry ground. Whew! I had a mag light which I turned on and there, less than 10 feet away, backed into a corner was an adult Javelina. Needless to say my retreat was quicker than my entrance. I got out safely but could not complete my crawl space inspection.
Tom Murarori Inspector 10 years
Home Inspection Specialists
TREC License # 20244
325-423-2958
Wow! A javelina? We don’t have any of those in my neck of the woods! Thanks for sharing!
If you’ve never run across a possum nesting in a crawlspace, consider yourself lucky. Fortunately, this home which was on a golf course in Inverness, AL did not require a belly crawl to navigate the crawlspace, and I was able to evacuate quickly as the momma possum hissed and displayed her sharp teeth. I shouldn’t have been surprised at this discovery because at the same home, I had already found water flowing through the front foundation wall of the home into the crawlspace and out the rear foundation wall as it made its way down the mountain, the final shocking feature found was a squirrel which had found its way through an open knockout in the electrical panel and had not survived his trip across the main lugs. I love my job; it’s always an adventure and you never know what you’re going to find!
Call us to book your home inspection at 205-607-2082 or book online at http://www.redmountaininspections.com and our dedicated staff will take care of the rest.
Less than a month into becoming a home inspector, on probably my fifth job, I learned a valuable lesson: never enter an occupied home without someone letting you in. When I arrived on the job, I knocked, rang the doorbell, knocked again – nothing. I called the listing agent; he said the tenant was informed, go ahead and go in – lockbox at the water spigot. I grab the key and open the door; there’s piles of boxes from ceiling to floor. I make my way to the stairs and as I look up, I see a child and we make I contact. The child screams! I run out of the house immediately. As I head outside, the tenant shows ups in a truck. I explain the situation and he says he never recieved any notice, etc. At this point, there’s so much stuff packed up that I can hardly inspect anyway, so I explain to my clients that we need to reschedule the inspection until after these people move out. I wanted to strangle that agent after that!
Good lesson learned!